Dichotomy in My Life

Man, there is so much out there. SO many experiences to experience. Sometimes it just baffles my brain. However, I'm not one of those people that will often initiate an adventure. I like to think about adventures, but honestly haven't really thought that I could accomplish any of them. I'm an easy-going-to-the-point-of-not-doing-anything-about-my-ideas kind of person. I rarely take initiative on my own ideas-especially if I'm the only one involved.

Perhaps one of the contributing thoughts to my lack of taking initiative is that I haven't truly thought I can do it...initiate, pursue, and follow through on an idea. And maybe I can't. But many other people have done it before me (and are doing it around me), so maybe I can. I won't ever know unless I try, and as I ponder and delve into this idea of new and exciting opportunities, the more excited I become.

And at the same time, I enjoy being laid-back. I think it's a gift as it's hard to truly get stressed out this way (especially when coupled with moment-by-moment dependence on the goodness of God). However, there's SO much out there... and who knows how God is going to use me and teach me through it...through me being actively and clear-mindedly involved in life (I know "mindedly" may not be a word, but I'm not about to go find a proper word at this moment).

But, with all that said, I know I need to run humbly and closely with God. I've become excited about things... about working as an OT with inner city organizations, in prisons, in third world countries... and lately I have frequently become surprised at my enthusiasm and excitement over such things... but I don't want to go into it all without leaning on Jesus. I don't want to run full-force into a brick wall because I'm not running the race marked out for me. This is a warning to myself: enthusiasm is excellent, passion is necessary, but without Christ, it's nothing. It may look like something to me and to the world, but without Him, and professing Him, it's useless. I do believe God gives us zeal, but unless that energy is focused on Him, it truly ends up being empty.

So, with all the opportunities arising, and as I pursue some of them by faith, even in the midst of the ridiculous dichotomy of being so laid-back and yet fully pursuing ideas, I hope I will have magnificent stories to share with you all. Feel free to pray for me in this. I will and do appreciate it! Oh to be found faithful in God's eyes...