On My Own!

I've been itching to write for a few days. The only problem is that I really don't know what to write about! Of course, I haven't sat down and really coherently thought about it either. Thought? Yes. Coherently? No.

It's been interesting living on my own this last week. I've learned more concerning job skills this week than the whole last semester. I'm working part-time with a little autistic boy. I love the little buddy but sometimes I feel so incapable of serving his needs. But I'm learning!

This last week (mostly) I've been thinking hard-core about what it means to love God with all that I am. The problem is, I can't seem to put what that means into words. I'm not intending to do it as a rule, but because I think I have a glimpse of what it brings and what it's like, and it makes perfect sense to me in light of what scripture (all of it!) says.

I've been feeling quite transparent before God lately, and know that I don't love Him completely - especially with all my mind and strength. However, it's easy to say I love Him with all my heart and soul. Maybe because mind and strength are more concrete and the parts that I can clearly understand, so it seems as though I'm loving Him with all my heart and soul. But at least every morning and every night when I'm at home by myself I start thinking about it. And I've started reading a book by K.P. Yohannan called "Living in the Light of Eternity" that has the underlying assumption of being completely sold out, living one's life ENTIRELY in Christ, knowing that He is all that life is about. To love God with all my mind and all my strength was my prayer for this summer, and still is. That's the point in life and I want to attain it, because I know that's what God wants and intended for us all along. Why else would Jesus ask his disciples to leave everything behind and follow Him? They didn't love the other things in life and follow Him at the same time. They gave up their lives to follow Him, and it's pretty clear that they loved Him - with all their strength if not their minds as well. I was talking with my friend Jen yesterday about loving God and as I thought about it, I told her that I think that when I truly love God with all that I am, I will be so much closer to going home. Not that that's my motivator, but it's an exciting additional thought!

This morning I was flipping through my Bible, many underlined verses catching my eye and I saw that there's so much truth to be learned - so much of the Bible to understand, cherish, and use. I want to know it all now...want to really understand God right now, but I don't. BUT I have the rest of my life to learn it in!

So I guess those have been my most pervasive thoughts these last few days. Oh - just to inform everyone... I'm living in the basement suite of my sister and bro-in-law's house in Edmonton. It's been pretty good so far! They have 5 turtles that I enjoy watching, and it's in a quiet neighborhood, with a yard, which is a treat! And Dan is setting up a hammock, and I like hammocks, so I'd better go and hang out with him!