Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

What to write...what to write...

Initially I was going to write about how crappy my day was. It was one of those days where nothing seems to go the way I'd like it to. And then I read some people's blogs, and it put perspective on today... they mostly had underlying themes of anticipation and adventure. And those things make me feel like my eyes are sparkling. And Heidi just made me some hot chocolate, which makes me feel a little better too.

Apparently she's a little bored... sitting across the table from me...all she said is "play with me!" I love my roommates! Unfortunately, I'm going to sit here and write and she'll have to fend for herself. She says I should write about purple elephants and grilled cheese sandwiches (which, I have been eating alot of lately... I sure do enjoy them!).

Mostly what I've been thinking about lately is what it means to live to glorify God, and what it means to live without fear.

First off, I'm a terrible failure in living to glorify God. There's something about my mouth that gets me into trouble, and says more than I ought... and I don't think that's always glorifying to God. Which means that maybe my heart isn't in that place either... for out of the heart the mouth speaks. But I WANT to so much. I want people to see Christ when they look at my life. There's a part of me that often wants the credit, but I realized the other day that it's so completely pointless to have the credit when it's God who is at work in me, to make me someone that people see Him through. And I've concluded that it comes down to abiding in Christ... to be so singularily focused on Him in everything I do, and aim to have what I think, say, or do be pleasing to Him because I am already thinking about Him. These are my thoughts as I wake up in the morning, and when I go to bed at night. I suppose if I could do that all the time there wouldn't be as much evidence for grace. Not that I do it so that grace can abound more (sound familiar?), but that's just the way it happens. Thank God for grace, and that He brings us through things to transform us more and more so that He will be glorified!

And about fear... it's been a topic of conversation with my friends alot. One of the pastor's taught about it last week: fear of death, fear of people, and fearing God. Fearing God fits nicely in my mind to what I said above about glorifying God. It's completely a lifestyle... not being afraid of God, but living each moment in reverence because of who He is. The other two fears involve being afraid. And as much as I understand and believe what the pastor said about both, I have a hard time understanding it in light of people I know, and will be working with in my job in the future, who are truly afraid of things around them. I completely believe that God can take these fears away, and can instill faith in people through such fears. He is our Rock, our Fortress, our Deliverer, our Confidence. The Bible says so! But I wonder why it's so hard for some people to overcome fears. It seems to be something so ingrained in a person that a) they are unwilling to give it up because it's so much a part of them, or b) it's something that can't be given up. We all have them in some shape or form, some more noticeable than others... but they seem to be so paralyzing sometimes. My personal and occupational therapist's mind says that this is not good... to not be able to engage in things because you're afraid. And I see so much freedom in living and experiencing all of life without them.

And I've ran out of time for tonight...let me know what you think....