Psychiatric Ward

Thank you to all who e-mailed or called the first few days of placement!!! I must admit, I really don't adapt to change very well. Especially when I'm tired and frusterated with myself to begin with. But you have all been more than supportive of me, and I'm thankful for that! I'm also blessed to be living with Jordan Cameron's parents who have been treating me like family.

For those who don't know what I'm up to, I'm currently in Calgary doing my first fieldwork placement... in an acute psychiatric ward of a hospital. Interesting... incredibly interesting.... and I love it. However, in being such a baby OT (Occupational Therapist), I'm finding I have alot to learn. And not just about the profession and the people I work with, but also about myself. I can no longer just take the bookwork and apply it. It's life and these are real people I'm working with. And I need to change accordingly. Yesterday we (another OT student and I) along with our preceptor were working on goals as a student in this setting (yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but if you ever take OT and work with people, you'll soon learn how incredibly important they really are). The drawback is that I don't think I've ever been able to achieve a goal I've set for my own personal growth. They just aren't important enough to me, or I'd rather not face issues dead on. BUT, that's exactly what we encourage people on the ward with depression, bipolar, or schizophrenia to do. And above and beyond labelling the issues, we also work on solutions (very practical solutions). I'm still getting used to the whole psychodynamic framework behind OT in mental health (psychodynamic always makes me think of Freud, and he always made me either feel grossed out or extremely uncomfortable), but as I listen in on group sessions, and am challenged in my own life (trust me, I cried in front of my preceptor, and just by asking questions she helped me pinpoint things in my life I would have never bothered to figure out but would be content to be stuck in), sometimes it really makes sense.

That last statement, along with goals, and along with helping people achieve quality of life, or just being able to function on their own in life (tied into quality of life since that's usually what a person wants most of all after being discharged from the hospital), makes OT sound alot like self-help. And I find that conclusion frusterating. But not so all at the same time. I thought about it on the bus on the way home because I have plenty of time them to think and do work and pray (45 min bus ride there and back). At first I could not coincide the two ideas of self-help and God-help. I know that they don't work together. But in thinking about my own experiences so far, and the things I know need to change in my life to be an effective OT, I realized that it is by the grace of God that I can do any of those things. I feel as though I haven't been very calm inside these last couple of days, but working through that thought made my mind a little clearer and my whole body more energetic.

The biggest challenge? Being asked if I thought I was depressed. It's almost neat (perhaps in a weird way) that I have experienced emotional struggles these last few months (yes, and up to today), because I find that I can understand some of the patients in the ward. Granted, most who struggle with mood are there because of suicidal ideation, but I can relate to feelings of not being good enough, being stuck in my own mind, and not knowing what to do next. The trick as an OT is to not let those things sit on the surface (really, they just have to plainly be dealt with) so that they don't come bursting out the moment I can relate to people. How can I help people when I feel so messed up myself?! Not that I have to have it all together. And that's where God's grace, His love, and His forgiveness, as well as His strength, His faithfulness, and being a Rock to stand on all come into play. No, I'm not depressed. And I could honestly answer that question because I have thought about it. I admit I have had glimpses of what it would be like. And because of that, I can understand what others are going through all the better. But that understanding isn't necessarily for me... just so I can relate. It's so that others can experience the same hope that I do. Even when I can't see anything else, I know that God is carrying me and it will be okay on the other side as long as I keep trusting Him. It's when I pray and let Him be God in my life (even when it feels like I can't keep going on), that miracles happen in my life, and in others lives too. Reading Psalm 86 last night and this morning was really good.... I definitely encourage you all to read it!

Speaking of miracles... I found out the neatest thing today. At least 3 of the OTs I work with are Christians, and today I got to chat with an OT who recently came from Britian with her family. Why did they come? Because God told them to. And He arranged all the details too in amazing ways. It was exciting to hear her story, and she was excited to share it with me. She has a fun and very spunky British character and just loves people (she reminds me of you, Beth, but different all at the same time... she used to have a mohawk in her teen years). And it's blatently evident to me that she is trusting God with everything... her family, her house, her work, why she's in Canada...I have alot of respect for her knowledge, the way she practices, and her faith. I get to work with her for the rest of this week and all next week. Lots of fun adventures and laughter, and tea to do, that's for sure. And I'm learning all the while....

One of my nasty habits is going to bed too late. I intend to go early because I'm just beat, and alas, it's still almost 11:30. What ever happened to actually going to bed early when I'm so tired? Ha. So off to my comfy bed I go. One of my goals is centered on managing time and finishing things in a timely manner. Oh brother... what have I gotten myself into?